Romance, Courting and Sex in the World of Robots

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Photo Credit: Peter Yang/Wired

From the first time I met my friend some twelve years ago, I have always felt a certain thrill of anticipation that grabs me every time I am greeted by her Chilean effusiveness. To talk to her is like leafing through a walking encyclopedia; she is not pedantic or over powering in any way. She is a delightful, sensitive, intelligent, intuitive, self-confident career woman constantly multi-tasking her life at work and at home. Our relationship, (if that term can be used in a pure sense is rich enough without the intimacy) is a high and low romancing and courting nature that essentially runs deep and transcends time and space. And even though there are differences on certain issues and things, the friendship is strong and continues to evolve over time.

Driving back to work one day after our usual afternoon customary lunch my close friend and an intelligent colleague of eight years suddenly asked me out of the blue whether romance is dead today. Question of this kind and possibly many other ‘unquestioned’ questions in her mind made me delve into examining the subject of romance, courtship and love between men and women, and what is so different today from the past.

Romance is not dead; it actually exists and is changing and evolving, and it’s becoming hard to find it among today’s sexually charged cynical world of personal success and status-driven society of robots. It is easily forgotten in the continuous time pressures of an instant gratification society and in an environment where both partners are working hard to build their careers which causes stress and leaves no time for romancing and courting. Sometime men and women try desperately not to lose the ones they love, actually end up being more emotionally alienated. To overcome this feeling of isolation both men and women need to take more control in romancing their partners to keep the fire burning in their hearts. Mutual seduction is both partners equal responsibility. Romance is a state of attentiveness that conveys a sense to one’s lover that he or she is worth your time and effort.

Romance is never dead in people with loving hearts. It’s just becoming more personal to the individuals. In our life time we all develop an overwhelming passion for that special someone. The notion that romance can leave one broken-hearted and the vulnerability that it brings is one reason why it is shunned by today’s society. Regardless whether we find it reciprocated or live a life in frustration, the power of love and courtship with or without the intimacy is a basic and essential part of human emotion. We are a species of passions and passion is what makes us all “tick”.

Women today have successfully elevated themselves to the boardrooms of the business world and have challenged, even surpassed men in most profession. They have new expectations, and quite literally need more love than sex. Men who desire to form a meaningful relationship with women really need to emotionally adapt to the evolving expectations of the women in order to succeed.

For men, romance is a means to an end, and for women the end of romance means the end. One problem is that men and women have wildly differing approaches to romance. In general, I truly believe that men are the more romantic of the two.  When men like women, they really do just like them. There’s none of that feverish totting up of pros and cons that rattle endlessly through the average pragmatic female mind. In any event women are by nature creatures who need attention. While men actually shy away from showing romance, they in reality feel the same yearning like women to connect, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship even after the commitments have been sealed. Men and women are different. Not better or worse; simply different. They maybe socially or politically equal but both are demonstrably different. However, regardless of the differences, men and women need each other.

To a man romance is the ultimate demonstration of pure sensitivity and thoughtfulness. Men use romance to express love. Women expect all the loving from a man but they rarely reciprocate it. Romance is the beginning of relationship and like any relationship it requires constant nurturing through open communication, and listening skills for both the verbal and non-verbal language. Men look for their woman to call them at least once or twice a day, or text messaging to reaffirm to them that they are being thought about. Men particularly find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. To a man, a touch on his shoulder or holding hands translates in nonverbal language, as: “I accept you…I love you…We’re a team.”

To many people sex comes before love and occasionally some people cheat on each other which makes it hard to find real romance in the world of today. Our present day society is a decidedly non-romantic where young people are growing up very enlightened about sex but are completely ignorant of courtship and the joy of anticipation that comes from romancing and courting. In some ways it is a cultural thing.  Sex is nice and often easy enough, but it takes a lot more effort and emotional honesty to do something romantic or affectionate. There is more to life than just sex. Commitment is another requirement to romancing. Commitment is not necessarily to be found in a marriage certificate. Commitment is in the heart and the desire is in the soul.

Women have the uncanny ability to sense the motives and meanings behind each speech, utterances and behaviour, and can predict outcomes with great ability to avert any seeming problem better than most men. There is a lot of knowledge at a subconscious level that goes on in the minds of both men and women; what is needed is the ability to consciously understand it to let the romance foster and bloom. Women have to understand that romance does not weaken them. It only empowers them. To let a moment in time become romantic, an action has to take place in that moment that is different from our daily monotonous lives. Romance can happen on any days of our lives. It enters in our system silently, naturally, unexpectedly without any planned efforts, and leaves in us a sense of thrill, a certain rush of giggling excitement. Romance is spontaneous, mad, and impetuous and affects us profoundly forever.

Everyone expresses romance differently and under different stimulus. Some express it through chocolates, champagne and flowers although some young people today prefer having sex to receiving chocolates and red roses from their loved ones, according to a recent survey; others through gifts which are important too, though they are no substitute for love and romance. At best they are caring gestures to show some appreciation. Many people don’t realize that there is a lot of thought put into a gift for their special someone. Romance therefore in this sense is a personal emotion, a feeling of attachment.

However, the real value of sex should not be diminished because sex (phrase “making love”) can be the most romantic expression of a person’s love and closeness for another provided it is done right. It cements the closeness. Nevertheless to ignore the value of courtship in a romance has some major social and personal ramifications. Most of the long lasting love affairs have their roots in a deep and enduring friendship which transform into love for that person. Love and romance are two totally different things. You love a person for what they are and what they believe in, their sense of self-respect, dignity and personal values. Romance on the other hand is the qualitative time one spends with one’s “partner” and getting to-know-each-other more intimately and in bonding that accompanies romancing. Romance is every where including the business world because even the business forces like cosmic forces are tinged with personality. Romance, therefore is essential to life; without it the soul becomes a “husk”. It loses its luster; it exists but does not live. This article has been inspired by a very articulate and politically correct friend who is today an empowered woman because of the richness of her heart and soul.

Vivo una vida larga y feliz mi amiga más estimado. Se pueden nuestras vidas estará llenar de grandes alegría y felicidad siempre.

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About Syed Hussain

Syed Hussain, Ph.D: Banker, Bankruptcy Analyst, Forensic Accounting & Fraud Examiner, Cyber-Crime & Anti-Money Laundering Advisor, Internal Auditor & Counterterrorism Strategist . As an avid reader and traveler, the former air force pilot, likes to connect with like minded people and engage in intelligent conversations. He enjoys music, film and politics, as well as visiting museums, art galleries and air shows. Syed enjoys horse back riding and swimming. Besides English, he speaks other languages. At the end of the day, he can be found relaxing with a good beer and a fine meal.

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